Thursday, July 14, 2011

Kooky Quotes

The Bible has often been used by people to pick and choose verses, out of context, to justify their own agendas.  This post is not about retribution. I could care less about these people who have no knowledge of what they speak ; these types are mere fodder.

Many call The Bible the unequivocal "word of God", as if some guy in the clouds decided to write a book one day.  It is, rather, a compilation of books written by people.  Some as teachings, some as history.  Ancient writing was much different that what we know today; there were no journalists, most people were illiterate and relied on the words of scribes (who were reserved primarily for political or religious agendas).  When The Bible was compiled there were, literally, thousands of such books carefully chosen to reign in and control the many different schools of Christian thoughts into one unified religion; Catholicism (meaning; Universal).  The Bible, as we know it, was chosen by Bishops, Cardinals and Emperors.  This was done hundreds of years after the death of Christ.  What ensued were many horrendous inquisitions and the annihilation of many peoples across the world in an effort to spread this one singular "truth".

My compilation here will keep growing as I scour the books to simply demonstrate the hippocracy of out-of-context quotes and how they can be used to fuel hatred of others.  Or, merely, for the humor of ancient thought and the "divine design" the creators of The Bible found important; disregarding the many books which truly did speak of love and peace.  Remember, most of the New Testament is simply a bunch of letters from a guy who never had any contact with Christ and put to death many early, peaceful, Christians.  I encourage everyone to actually read The Bible to see how and why everything fits so neatly in one little package.  It's all about control, folks.  There are many things I will omit, such as; if the moon is to light the night, what explains nights of darkness (what we now call "New Moon")?  Why are there two differing creation of man stories (I know the answer, but won't elaborate here)?  Why did God say, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness."?  Isn't there supposed to be one god?  Whom is this other to whom he is talking?  No, this will simply be about the so-called "God's word" for the aforementioned reasons.

My source is the New American Bible, Catholic Edition (same thing, just containing 7 additional books in the Old Testament so don't get your panties in a wad). Now, let's begin.

"Throughout the ages, every male among you, when he is eight days old, shall be circumcised, including houseborn slaves and those acquired with money from any foreigner who is not of your blood...If a male is uncircumcised, that is, if the flesh of his foreskin has not been cut away, such a one shall be cut off from his people; he has broken my covenant."  ~Genesis 17:12, 14

"Go and procure lambs for your families, and slaughter them as Passover victims.  Then take a bunch of hyssop, and dipping it in the blood that is in the basin, sprinkle the lintel and the two doorposts with this blood.  But none of you shall go outside until morning...You shall observe this as a perpetual ordinance for yourselves and your descendants.  But no man who is uncircumcised may partake of it."  ~Exodus 12:21-22, 24, 48

"On the seventh day everyone is to stay home and no one is to go out." ~Exodus 16:29

[an interesting editorial note here:  In Exodus 16 an urn of manna was placed "in front of the commandments for safekeeping."  However, the commandments aren't issued until Exodus 20 and the tablets not given to Moses until Exodus 31; which he proceeded to break in Exodus 32.]

"When you purchase a...slave, he is to serve you for six years, but in the seventh year he shall be given his freedom without cost.  If he comes into service alone, he shall leave alone; if he comes with a wife, his wife shall leave with him.  But if his master gives him a wife and she bears him sons or daughters, the woman and her children shall remain the master's property and the man shall leave alone.  When a man sells his daughter as a slave, she shall not go free as male slaves do."  ~Exodus 21:2-4, 7

"Whoever curses his father or mother shall be put to death."  ~Exodus 21:17

"When a man strikes his male or female slave with a rod so hard that the slave dies under his hand, he shall be punished.  If, however, the slave survives for a day or two, he is not to be punished, since the slave is his own property." ~Exodus 21:20


"When a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall pay her marriage price and marry her.  If her father refuses to give her to him, he must still pay him the customary marriage price for virgins." ~Exodus 22:15-16

"You shall not favor a poor man in his lawsuit.  You shall not deny one of your needy fellow men his rights in his lawsuit."  ~Exodus 23:3, 6

"You shall not oppress an alien..." ~Exodus 23:9 [wait for it; God contradicts himself later which is what most Bible Thumpers use to justify oppressing foreigners].

"Anyone who does work on the Sabbath day shall be put to death." ~Exodus 31:15

"Thus says the Lord...: Put your sword on your hip, every one of you!  Now go up and down the camp, from gate to gate, and slay your own kinsmen, your friends and neighbors!"...Then Moses said, "today you have been dedicated to the Lord, for you were against your own sons and kinsmen, to bring a blessing upon yourselves this day." ~Exodus 32:27, 29

"Wherever you dwell, you shall not partake of any blood, be it of bird or animal.  Every person who partakes of any blood shall be cut off from his people." ~Leviticus 7:26-27

"When a woman has conceived and gives birth to a boy, she shall be unclean for seven days, with the same uncleanness as at her menstrual period.  On the eighth day, the flesh of the boy's foreskin shall be circumcised, and then she shall spend thirty-three days more in becoming purified of her blood; she shall not touch anything sacred nor enter the sanctuary till the days of her purification are fulfilled.  If she gives birth to a girl, for fourteen days she shall be as unclean as at her menstruation, after which she shall spend sixty-six days in becoming purified of her blood.  When the days of her purification for a son or for a daughter are fulfilled, she shall bring to the priest...a yearling lamb for a holocaust and a pigeon or a turtledove for a sin offering.  Such is the law for a woman who gives birth to a boy or a girl child." ~Leviticus 12:2-7

"If she becomes freed from her affliction, she shall wait seven days, and only then is she to be purified.  On the eighth day she shall take two turtledoves or two pigeons and bring them to the priest...The priest shall offer up one of them as a sin offering and the other as a holocaust.  Thus shall the priest make atonement before the Lord for her unclean flow. This is the law for the man who is afflicted with a chronic flow, or who has an emission of seed, and thereby becomes unclean; as well as for the woman who has her menstrual period, or who is afflicted with a chronic flow [piss or shit yourself]; the law for male and female; and also for the man who lies with an unclean woman." ~Leviticus 15:28-30, 32-33

"You shall not have intercourse with your brother's wife...You shall not have intercourse with a woman and also her daughter...While your wife is still living you shall not marry her sister...You shall not approach a woman to have intercourse with her while she is unclean from menstruation.  You shall not have carnal relations with your neighbor's wife..." ~ Leviticus 18:16-19

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